Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize