My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
