): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
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I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.