Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
