she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.