I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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