No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
