I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She bit a glass in half.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
