just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
