Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize