dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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