I'm drive I can fine osifer
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
