OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
