If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
