i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
