yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
