Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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