is your mom at the bar?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
