Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
