"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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