4 words: hood of his car
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
