You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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