if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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