Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
