can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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