I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
