OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
