He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
