so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
