Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
