This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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