Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
