We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
