i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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