also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
