So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
