I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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