Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
