Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
