the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
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you should give me head with plastic fangs in
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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