If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
