i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
