school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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