Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
