youre lurking in front of me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
