her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
