I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
