How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
