Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
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