Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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