Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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