He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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