FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
