At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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