there's paper in my vomit.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
