You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
