i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
