Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
