You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
