I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
