he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
