6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
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