Your mouth is God's brothel.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
