You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
