i would punch a child for taco bell
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think people are normalizing furries
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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