I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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