If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
