i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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