i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
