What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
