already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
