I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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