The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
