i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
