If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
