Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
