And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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