I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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